My wife's best friend stays with us for 3 weeks every year. This year I said no.
Every summer my wife's best friend from university visits for three weeks. She sleeps on our sofa-bed in the living room, which is also where I work from home.
This year I have a huge project and told my wife I can't do three weeks. I suggested one week, or that her friend stay at a hotel nearby and we'd help pay.
My wife said I 'ruined a tradition' and her friend cancelled entirely, saying she doesn't want to be a burden. Now my wife is barely speaking to me.
Was I wrong to say no in my own home?
It's your wife's home too, and a 'no' to a tradition needed a conversation, not a decision.
Three weeks on the sofa in your office is a lot. You even offered a hotel.
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🔬 The analysis
Leaning towards the author being wrong, but not by a landslide (20% say right, 65% say wrong).
See the numbers and the psychology
Typical range: about 2 to 7. The average is accurate to about ±0.3 (95% confidence). This is a community poll, not a scientific sample, because people choose to take part.
🧠 Psychology lens
A long-running yearly visit clashed with a work deadline, and a decision made alone was heard as ruining a tradition.
May feel his workspace and needs were ignored.
His wife may feel a shared tradition and a friendship were dismissed without a discussion.
Psychology ideas that may apply
People want what they give and what they get to feel fair, and unfairness is stressful.
Here: Each side feels their needs were not weighed fairly.
It is hard to imagine feeling differently from how we feel right now, or how someone else feels.
Here: It is hard to feel how big the visit is to her, or how big the deadline is to him.
💡 Deciding together, for example on a shorter stay, usually protects both the project and the tradition.
Written by AI from one person's account, using well-known psychology ideas for reflection. It is not a diagnosis or advice, and it can be wrong.
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